No Longer Just the Brother - Now You Need To Be Her Parent

I think one of the hardest parts of the personal, family journey so far has been for my husband. He has had a hard time finding his new role. He is still Sharon's brother, but he also is her main guardian. And, in this case, the parent really.

It hasn't been as great a leap for me since I had only seen Sharon about 4 times (twice in California and twice here in Illinois), but I knew I had to set the rules and the roles immediately and get us started on the right foot. My husband had a harder time with this. What did that mean? I was the main parent for now while my husband sorted through his loss and his changing role. Very challenging.

When Sharon first moved in she said to me "Is my sister now?" and "Are you my mom now?" I wish I would have anticipated this question because I would have answered it differently. Initially I said, "No, she is still your niece and I am still your sister-in-law." I can't remember now if I mentioned to her that our daughter would be more like a sister, but I definitely would have/should have at the time taken more time to explain the change in the roles. Unfortunately we were on our front steps walking out to the minivan.

Since this time, I have had a few conversations with her, with my husband and with our daughter about the changing roles. It is hard to talk about it for those with the younger mentality to understand, but I think I have done an okay job. Sharon I know understands that I feel that my role (and my husband's) is to help her develop some independent living skills and to get her more acclimated out in public so that she can become independent and try living in a group home. NOT her favorite thought, but she listens --- to me. To her brother, she at first said she didn't want to talk about it. Now she at least doesn't say anything. It's progress.

Our roles continue to evolve. The theme will come up again in the blog. Stay tuned :)