Sharon was my mother-in-law's companion...especially the last seven years. She was a daughter, sure, but moreso my mother-in-law's eyes and legs (both frightening concepts when your mother-in-law talks to you about Sharon "helping me see while I drive."). So Sharon was an equal at home with Mom as well as Sharon got whatever she wanted, when she wanted. Sharon rarely did any wrong.
I've talked about the reality check Sharon was to encounter in moving to our home. I've talked about how she had been babied and with the reality check will be some shock and some attitude and role adjustment. As part of the whole new living situation, developing Sharon's independent living skills to get her on her own has been one of the major scenario's my husband and I have been envisioning since the day we said yes to having her in our home. Sharon, initially, did not like this idea one little bit.
Sharon is a smart and capable woman...when she wants to be. And when Sharon doesn't want to be a smart and capable woman I see the twelve year old coming out. The child that hides, deceives, exaggerates. Wow, how was I not prepared for this? Duh, she rarely displayed this behavior at home (and certainly not when we visited) because she got what she wanted...she literally was the Princess.
Our two major scenarios were these: Sharon develops independent living skills and starts out in a group home and possibly works her way to transitional living home and then own apartment or with roommate. Our second scenario was us in a larger home that had a lower level that had a shared space, but would give Sharon space to be independent (this was our initial scenario that we thought was reasonable, but then realized wasn't any better than Sharon living in her mom's home all her life).
As my husband has grown more into the parenting role and has experienced the frustrations of coordinating, but more importantly disciplining and checking for follow-through, Sharon's life...well, he has realized that not only are her skills better than she would like us to believe...but it is time to test them out. My husband made the leap to fill out the intake paperwork and has turned it in. The sad part, waiting list is 18 - 24 months. The cool part, Sharon is now interested in the living situation (I think living with my daughter has made her a convert!).
In the meantime, we have discovered some apartments that are affiliated with Pioneer Center that we are exploring. Pioneer provides some services to these apartments and they are on a sliding scale, so this becomes a possibility for Sharon...and pulls the timing up from 18 - 24 months to a much more reasonable amount of time.
But what about building the rest of her skills?
We just had our follow up with the Department of Rehabilitation and she shared with me a resource out of a nearby town called LifeSkills Unlimited, Inc. We are exploring the possibilities of utilizing this service to fill in where we are unable to continue (due to time or lack of resources on our part) developing Sharon's independent living skills. We will see if this is truly a viable option.
The other cool thing? During the meeting yesterday, there was also notice to us that the transitional site has an opening. Now, is Sharon far enough up on the list that this might be her spot or is there someone else that they will give a whirl? Who knows, no word yet, but I am in hot pursuit!
Finally, some things seem to be falling into place after so much time and struggle. God willing, it will continue to work through toward the family goal.
March 31, 2010
March 25, 2010
Jumping Up to Today for the Moment...
She's got a job!!! Yeah!!!
Well, I was told by her job coach that she has a job, but they haven't called to let her know when her training is, etc.
Sharon has previous garden center experience so she is going to be tackling some gardening this summer (and hopefully the job will carry through beyond as well).
Exciting!
My husband and I made the tough decision to put in the paperwork for the group home already...and then we found out the wait is 18 - 24 months. Too long. So, my husband has discovered through some contacts that Pioneer Center manages some apartment complexes and is researching this as an option for Sharon. She has the skills to live outside of our home. There are maybe a couple of skills that we still need to build and/or need to acquire resources for, but they are options for sure.
Oh joy, oh joy!
She won't start working for a couple of weeks yet, but at least the time is near.
Celebrating with a garden dance! :)
Well, I was told by her job coach that she has a job, but they haven't called to let her know when her training is, etc.
Sharon has previous garden center experience so she is going to be tackling some gardening this summer (and hopefully the job will carry through beyond as well).
Exciting!
My husband and I made the tough decision to put in the paperwork for the group home already...and then we found out the wait is 18 - 24 months. Too long. So, my husband has discovered through some contacts that Pioneer Center manages some apartment complexes and is researching this as an option for Sharon. She has the skills to live outside of our home. There are maybe a couple of skills that we still need to build and/or need to acquire resources for, but they are options for sure.
Oh joy, oh joy!
She won't start working for a couple of weeks yet, but at least the time is near.
Celebrating with a garden dance! :)
March 24, 2010
You Don't Read or You Can't Read?
We are a library family. Well, at least I am with my daughter. I can't for the life of me get my husband interested in books. Which is a shame because he is missing a ton of great stuff out there!
So when Sharon moved in with us I asked her what kinds of books she has read. She shook her head and said that she didn't read books. I said, "What do you mean you don't read books? Why not?" She said, "I don't know, I guess I just don't like them."
Humph. This is interesting. So I endeavored to find out what her reading level is. I asked her to read to our daughter in the car "since she was sitting next to her." Unfortunately that backfired because Sharon employed her tactic that she used with others in that she opened the page and was silent and my daughter came up with thoughts and questions about the pictures so that Sharon didn't have to read.
I suggested that Sharon start reading some of my daughter's chapter books (we read them to our daughter since she is only just starting kindergarten this fall) because they would be a great start. She ignored this advice.
Finally, I asked her if on the night we would attend storytime if she wanted to attend with us. She said she guessed she would try it. So she did. The book that changed it all was "Don't let the pigeon drive the bus." Sharon was laughing so hard that I swear she was about to pee her pants (sadly, not necessarily an exaggeration, but a story for another time). It was funny because of the way the librarian read the book, but also funny because my husband (Sharon's brother) drives bus for a living. Cool!
So then we went into the book stacks. I am the only one that had a card at the time and can only check out a couple of books at a time so I let my daughter check out two books and asked Sharon if she would like to look to see if there is something she might like.
We went over into the younger kid non-fiction section and I showed her books about the Denver Broncos (her favorite team) and bicycling, etc. She was bug-eyed and saying WHOA, I didn't know they had that!
So Sharon picked out a book.
And Sharon read the book all the way through the next day.
And now Sharon is hooked on non-fiction books. Yeah!
Next step, expanding her reading horizons.
Sharon has read tons of the youth non-fiction...now I am wondering if she would try some fiction. So I introduced her to Judy Blume. :)
Can I just say, this is when I feel REAL GOOD about what I do. Sharon is gobbling them up. Truly enjoying. And, she has moved into non-fiction in the adult section as well.
Here's the thing. This chick...who claimed she didn't like to read (though her mom was constantly getting paperback books to read for herself, but never Sharon - I truly don't understand that concept)...is a fairly fast reader. Seriously! And she is doing pretty good with comprehension too.
So why didn't my mother-in-law enable this wonderful thing of reading that she herself loved so much? Gosh, I will never know. But I celebrate her new joy for reading!
So when Sharon moved in with us I asked her what kinds of books she has read. She shook her head and said that she didn't read books. I said, "What do you mean you don't read books? Why not?" She said, "I don't know, I guess I just don't like them."
Humph. This is interesting. So I endeavored to find out what her reading level is. I asked her to read to our daughter in the car "since she was sitting next to her." Unfortunately that backfired because Sharon employed her tactic that she used with others in that she opened the page and was silent and my daughter came up with thoughts and questions about the pictures so that Sharon didn't have to read.
I suggested that Sharon start reading some of my daughter's chapter books (we read them to our daughter since she is only just starting kindergarten this fall) because they would be a great start. She ignored this advice.
Finally, I asked her if on the night we would attend storytime if she wanted to attend with us. She said she guessed she would try it. So she did. The book that changed it all was "Don't let the pigeon drive the bus." Sharon was laughing so hard that I swear she was about to pee her pants (sadly, not necessarily an exaggeration, but a story for another time). It was funny because of the way the librarian read the book, but also funny because my husband (Sharon's brother) drives bus for a living. Cool!
So then we went into the book stacks. I am the only one that had a card at the time and can only check out a couple of books at a time so I let my daughter check out two books and asked Sharon if she would like to look to see if there is something she might like.
We went over into the younger kid non-fiction section and I showed her books about the Denver Broncos (her favorite team) and bicycling, etc. She was bug-eyed and saying WHOA, I didn't know they had that!
So Sharon picked out a book.
And Sharon read the book all the way through the next day.
And now Sharon is hooked on non-fiction books. Yeah!
Next step, expanding her reading horizons.
Sharon has read tons of the youth non-fiction...now I am wondering if she would try some fiction. So I introduced her to Judy Blume. :)
Can I just say, this is when I feel REAL GOOD about what I do. Sharon is gobbling them up. Truly enjoying. And, she has moved into non-fiction in the adult section as well.
Here's the thing. This chick...who claimed she didn't like to read (though her mom was constantly getting paperback books to read for herself, but never Sharon - I truly don't understand that concept)...is a fairly fast reader. Seriously! And she is doing pretty good with comprehension too.
So why didn't my mother-in-law enable this wonderful thing of reading that she herself loved so much? Gosh, I will never know. But I celebrate her new joy for reading!
March 22, 2010
We Don't Have the Money to Get What You Are Used to Having
Getting used to our budget is the name of the game. Each day is a new conversation and a new adjustment in expectation.
When Sharon first moved in with us this is what she would have for breakfast: bowl of cereal (bowl filled to nearly the brim with milk (about two cups of milk I'd guess) and then some cereal that ominously floated around in the milk as if the cereal was individual little flotation devices), a glass of orange juice (full to the brim - about 2 cups) AND a glass of milk (full to the brim - about two cups). What?! Okay, I know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but COME ON!
Aside from the fact that she is already drinking more than her fair share of dairy intake for the whole day at one meal...Orange juice is expensive and milk isn't any cheaper. Um, we aren't buying orange juice anymore (not to say what it does to her breath anyway - oy, that's a whole 'nother topic) and, um, I think that we are limiting everyone on glasses of milk because we can't afford to be running through milk so quickly. Oh, and while we are at it, you really don't need so much milk in your bowl for your cereal.
The great thing is that she accepts the suggestions very graciously and just says, Okay. The hard thing is that we have to reinforce the message a few times before it sinks in. And, I have to have a conversation with my husband as well because she watches what he has and tries to match what he is eating (my husband is 6' and 300 pounds ... his sister is 4'11" and 190....we all need to lose weight, but you get my point here).
But to the point of the topic of brand name shopping. I just can't do it anymore and haven't for many years now. And it is understandable that Sharon would relate certain products with certain brands, but when it isn't in our budget to brand shop then it just isn't -- and that even relates to female products. I have my preferred as well, but it just isn't happening anymore.
I know I have said this before, but it is worth saying again. We knew this was going to be hard, but we had no idea that it would be this hard. There are SO MANY little things and so many questions and behaviors that we didn't anticipate.
My most recent realization (because I am a bit behind on my realizations :) is that the visiting Sharon (and all of us as well to be fair) is not the same as the living with Sharon (and all of us as well to be fair :).
When Sharon first moved in with us this is what she would have for breakfast: bowl of cereal (bowl filled to nearly the brim with milk (about two cups of milk I'd guess) and then some cereal that ominously floated around in the milk as if the cereal was individual little flotation devices), a glass of orange juice (full to the brim - about 2 cups) AND a glass of milk (full to the brim - about two cups). What?! Okay, I know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but COME ON!
Aside from the fact that she is already drinking more than her fair share of dairy intake for the whole day at one meal...Orange juice is expensive and milk isn't any cheaper. Um, we aren't buying orange juice anymore (not to say what it does to her breath anyway - oy, that's a whole 'nother topic) and, um, I think that we are limiting everyone on glasses of milk because we can't afford to be running through milk so quickly. Oh, and while we are at it, you really don't need so much milk in your bowl for your cereal.
The great thing is that she accepts the suggestions very graciously and just says, Okay. The hard thing is that we have to reinforce the message a few times before it sinks in. And, I have to have a conversation with my husband as well because she watches what he has and tries to match what he is eating (my husband is 6' and 300 pounds ... his sister is 4'11" and 190....we all need to lose weight, but you get my point here).
But to the point of the topic of brand name shopping. I just can't do it anymore and haven't for many years now. And it is understandable that Sharon would relate certain products with certain brands, but when it isn't in our budget to brand shop then it just isn't -- and that even relates to female products. I have my preferred as well, but it just isn't happening anymore.
I know I have said this before, but it is worth saying again. We knew this was going to be hard, but we had no idea that it would be this hard. There are SO MANY little things and so many questions and behaviors that we didn't anticipate.
My most recent realization (because I am a bit behind on my realizations :) is that the visiting Sharon (and all of us as well to be fair) is not the same as the living with Sharon (and all of us as well to be fair :).
March 19, 2010
No $$ Coming in, But LOTS Going Out
Who would have known that we would have had so many glitches with Social Security? I guess we should have. But then who would have anticipated that the main glitch was from the initial visit and a clicking of the wrong button? I guess we should have. But who would have guessed that it would be so hard to rectify this nightmare? Yeh, I know...blah, blah, blah....
So we went for months with no money coming in, we were already living paycheck to paycheck and now we not only had another mouth to feed, but we also had more gas coming out of the cars because we now had tons of doctor and other appointments to make as well as more mileage then which meant more oil changes because oil change time came up faster. Holy crap! More phone calls, more mailings, more time off work (my husband does not get paid for his time off work - as many don't). Crap, crap, crap...we are sliding!
Okay, the gratefuls...we both still have jobs, we have our health (for the most part) and we have house, food, are able to pay bills for now, etc. The stressors...our bills are backsliding, the food situation is weakening, the general stress and chaos is increasing exponentially and family life is drastically changed.
At this point, not sure how we are making it through, but am thanking all above that I had already started Christmas shopping before all this started so we will have a reasonable Christmas. And am seriously looking into the Food Pantry and Food Bank for food options because - health...my husband needs knee surgery (his second for the year). Remember when I said that he doesn't get paid for his time off?!
I feel like my limbs are falling off and am uncertain where to turn. Thank goodness I have resources because of my job and through resources find the right questions to ask (some of the time) and can get to my end goal.
The bigger challenge of the moment is reminding Sharon that a)we aren't running to the store as soon as we run out of something; b)if she runs out of something she better plan far ahead and not wait until the last minute (that includes monthly female stuff!); c)this isn't like your home used to be, I am sorry about that, but you will need to get used to our rules, our way of doing things, but most important - OUR BUDGET (or lack of funds at least). This is not an easy road to haul.
So we went for months with no money coming in, we were already living paycheck to paycheck and now we not only had another mouth to feed, but we also had more gas coming out of the cars because we now had tons of doctor and other appointments to make as well as more mileage then which meant more oil changes because oil change time came up faster. Holy crap! More phone calls, more mailings, more time off work (my husband does not get paid for his time off work - as many don't). Crap, crap, crap...we are sliding!
Okay, the gratefuls...we both still have jobs, we have our health (for the most part) and we have house, food, are able to pay bills for now, etc. The stressors...our bills are backsliding, the food situation is weakening, the general stress and chaos is increasing exponentially and family life is drastically changed.
At this point, not sure how we are making it through, but am thanking all above that I had already started Christmas shopping before all this started so we will have a reasonable Christmas. And am seriously looking into the Food Pantry and Food Bank for food options because - health...my husband needs knee surgery (his second for the year). Remember when I said that he doesn't get paid for his time off?!
I feel like my limbs are falling off and am uncertain where to turn. Thank goodness I have resources because of my job and through resources find the right questions to ask (some of the time) and can get to my end goal.
The bigger challenge of the moment is reminding Sharon that a)we aren't running to the store as soon as we run out of something; b)if she runs out of something she better plan far ahead and not wait until the last minute (that includes monthly female stuff!); c)this isn't like your home used to be, I am sorry about that, but you will need to get used to our rules, our way of doing things, but most important - OUR BUDGET (or lack of funds at least). This is not an easy road to haul.
March 17, 2010
Sharing a Room
We only have a two bedroom house. We had hopes of upgrading one of these days (years), but with bills and the economy. Well, I could come up with a few excuses. Whatever the excuse, it just hasn't happened yet. So, we are cramped into 900 square feet with no basement.
I know, there are plenty of people with smaller homes. Hurray for you if you love it, me, not so much. I grew up with seven people in a house that my dad (fortunately he is handy) kept expanding. That said, I shared a room until I was 19. Again, many people have shared rooms forever too...that's not the point. I was just SO GLAD to finally get my own room eventually.
Anyway, about Sharon. So, at the time that she decided (and we agreed) to come to us upon the death of mom, she knew there was a chance that we would still be in this house. Gosh, if only we had a crystal ball to get a better clue (or at least acknowledge reality) of when mom would pass. Okay, the reality check would have been "Hey, mom is in her 80s it could be any time!" But who wants that dose of reality? Want or need...you know which you should choose. We needed the dose of reality and I regret that we didn't kick it in. Timing sucked, but doesn't it generally?
Somehow I get all of my daughter's crap to fit into half the bedroom. Seriously, I didn't think I could do it, but I did. Now we have space for Sharon. But the unanticipated parts (again, start thinking of all the potential questions as soon as possible): 1) How much crap does Sharon have? 2) Does she possess the ability to be organized with her crap? Answers now. 1) She had tons of crap she didn't need to bring (I wasn't out there helping pack...how I wish I would have been!); and tons that she SHOULD have brought. 2) No, she doesn't seem to possess the ability to not only be organized, but to even figure out the best way to load her stuff into a dresser.
I had a full dresser for her available (5 drawers), plus two drawers from my daughter's dresser plus a 5 drawer lingerie dresser and space to hang in the closet. She filled ALL OF IT - and - she didn't have it all put away yet! CRAP - that can't be. Now, home from work and tired, I have to go through her stuff and figure out why it isn't fitting. Holy moly, unbelievable. I know she had been babied and I know she has a developmental disability, but COME ON! She could definitely have done better than this. I KNOW she possesses the skills to do better, but I (honestly) think she needed the attention more (I am sure mom told her where to put everything away before) and (honestly) was also feeling a little overwhelmed.
Six bibles were packed. Why? Do you read all of these bibles? No. Then why do you have them all with you? I don't know she (the other sister-in-law) said to bring them. Really? Where is the thought there? Um, are all these bras yours? No. Then whose are they? Some of them are mom's. Why did you bring them with you? I don't know I guess we just grabbed a bunch of stuff and put it in the box. Why did you put them in your dresser if you knew they weren't yours? I don't know.
I'm not sure I have the patience for this!
We got it all sorted out, but I really do not believe I had any potential of having these thoughts as questions in my head when we agreed to this. Skills, build the skills. Don't baby, make them do what they can. A pattern that is very obvious with Sharon...if she isn't sure of the answer (or doesn't want to take the time to figure it out) she hesitates or estimates and then stops because in the past others have provided the answer FOR HER or have done FOR HER. I won't do that. She has the capacity. I see it when she wants to do something. We are building independent living skills in her. Figuring out where to put things and folding clothes in a way so as to fit the space allotted is part of those skills.
How does that saying go? God grant me patience............
I know, there are plenty of people with smaller homes. Hurray for you if you love it, me, not so much. I grew up with seven people in a house that my dad (fortunately he is handy) kept expanding. That said, I shared a room until I was 19. Again, many people have shared rooms forever too...that's not the point. I was just SO GLAD to finally get my own room eventually.
Anyway, about Sharon. So, at the time that she decided (and we agreed) to come to us upon the death of mom, she knew there was a chance that we would still be in this house. Gosh, if only we had a crystal ball to get a better clue (or at least acknowledge reality) of when mom would pass. Okay, the reality check would have been "Hey, mom is in her 80s it could be any time!" But who wants that dose of reality? Want or need...you know which you should choose. We needed the dose of reality and I regret that we didn't kick it in. Timing sucked, but doesn't it generally?
Somehow I get all of my daughter's crap to fit into half the bedroom. Seriously, I didn't think I could do it, but I did. Now we have space for Sharon. But the unanticipated parts (again, start thinking of all the potential questions as soon as possible): 1) How much crap does Sharon have? 2) Does she possess the ability to be organized with her crap? Answers now. 1) She had tons of crap she didn't need to bring (I wasn't out there helping pack...how I wish I would have been!); and tons that she SHOULD have brought. 2) No, she doesn't seem to possess the ability to not only be organized, but to even figure out the best way to load her stuff into a dresser.
I had a full dresser for her available (5 drawers), plus two drawers from my daughter's dresser plus a 5 drawer lingerie dresser and space to hang in the closet. She filled ALL OF IT - and - she didn't have it all put away yet! CRAP - that can't be. Now, home from work and tired, I have to go through her stuff and figure out why it isn't fitting. Holy moly, unbelievable. I know she had been babied and I know she has a developmental disability, but COME ON! She could definitely have done better than this. I KNOW she possesses the skills to do better, but I (honestly) think she needed the attention more (I am sure mom told her where to put everything away before) and (honestly) was also feeling a little overwhelmed.
Six bibles were packed. Why? Do you read all of these bibles? No. Then why do you have them all with you? I don't know she (the other sister-in-law) said to bring them. Really? Where is the thought there? Um, are all these bras yours? No. Then whose are they? Some of them are mom's. Why did you bring them with you? I don't know I guess we just grabbed a bunch of stuff and put it in the box. Why did you put them in your dresser if you knew they weren't yours? I don't know.
I'm not sure I have the patience for this!
We got it all sorted out, but I really do not believe I had any potential of having these thoughts as questions in my head when we agreed to this. Skills, build the skills. Don't baby, make them do what they can. A pattern that is very obvious with Sharon...if she isn't sure of the answer (or doesn't want to take the time to figure it out) she hesitates or estimates and then stops because in the past others have provided the answer FOR HER or have done FOR HER. I won't do that. She has the capacity. I see it when she wants to do something. We are building independent living skills in her. Figuring out where to put things and folding clothes in a way so as to fit the space allotted is part of those skills.
How does that saying go? God grant me patience............
March 15, 2010
Fitting Into MY Family
I hadn't really thought anything of the fact that Sharon would have any problems with fitting in. My family is a really open group so I thought that they would be very accepting without us having to have a conversation with them.
I was a smidge wrong. Not a ton wrong, just a smidge. I guess when my dad and mom were talking to one of my sibs it was mentioned to them "well she isn't family" when talking about holidays at my parent's house, etc. Kudos to my dad as he mentioned to my sib how it might feel if a member of the family was asked to stay home and not attend a family get together. The sib at first was baffled that the conversation would even go that way as it would not even be a possibility that one of the family member's might not be welcome. Well, dad said, Sharon is going to be a member of their family now and it doesn't exactly feel right that she should be expected to sit home while the rest of the family comes to our house, does it? Truly, dad was the wise old owl this day.
So dad clued me in on this conversation. A conversation I was not ready to hear since I was very stressed out already. He called me at work so no one at home would be privy and, of course, I cried. I'm stressed, this took me over the top, I cried. I was angry and I really didn't know how to handle it. Should I confront the one sib? Is there a chance the other sibs feel the same way? My dad wondered the same...he wasn't sure. So I stewed on it - without telling my husband. I felt horrible for not telling him, but despite the fact that it wasn't an ideal situation...I still didn't want him to harbor feelings towards my family or to say the wrong thing (he often puts his foot in his mouth before he engages his brain).
I decided I was going to send an email. I know what you are thinking - NO! But I didn't write it and just send it. I wrote it, shared it with my parents for review and input and then sent it with their blessing. You see, I did have to act somewhat quickly as we were about to go to one of the sib's house for a birthday party the following week. I pressed send and waited. I don't believe I heard anything (did I?...shoot, I can't remember for sure, but I know I did not for sure hear anything from THE sib).
What did I say? I let everyone know that we were honored to have Sharon with us. That this was a very difficult time, but that Sharon was part of OUR family which means that she was coming with us to things as part of the family. That when we adopted our daughter we had even worried about her being accepted (even if it didn't show) and now we worry about my family accepting Sharon and asked that they please consider how difficult it will be for her to be there and wonder (for all of us to wonder) how accepting each of them is to our new situation.
The party was fine. Sharon can be oblivious...this can be a blessing of sorts. All seems to be well, but it was a stress situation I not only didn't need...but certainly did not expect at all!
I was a smidge wrong. Not a ton wrong, just a smidge. I guess when my dad and mom were talking to one of my sibs it was mentioned to them "well she isn't family" when talking about holidays at my parent's house, etc. Kudos to my dad as he mentioned to my sib how it might feel if a member of the family was asked to stay home and not attend a family get together. The sib at first was baffled that the conversation would even go that way as it would not even be a possibility that one of the family member's might not be welcome. Well, dad said, Sharon is going to be a member of their family now and it doesn't exactly feel right that she should be expected to sit home while the rest of the family comes to our house, does it? Truly, dad was the wise old owl this day.
So dad clued me in on this conversation. A conversation I was not ready to hear since I was very stressed out already. He called me at work so no one at home would be privy and, of course, I cried. I'm stressed, this took me over the top, I cried. I was angry and I really didn't know how to handle it. Should I confront the one sib? Is there a chance the other sibs feel the same way? My dad wondered the same...he wasn't sure. So I stewed on it - without telling my husband. I felt horrible for not telling him, but despite the fact that it wasn't an ideal situation...I still didn't want him to harbor feelings towards my family or to say the wrong thing (he often puts his foot in his mouth before he engages his brain).
I decided I was going to send an email. I know what you are thinking - NO! But I didn't write it and just send it. I wrote it, shared it with my parents for review and input and then sent it with their blessing. You see, I did have to act somewhat quickly as we were about to go to one of the sib's house for a birthday party the following week. I pressed send and waited. I don't believe I heard anything (did I?...shoot, I can't remember for sure, but I know I did not for sure hear anything from THE sib).
What did I say? I let everyone know that we were honored to have Sharon with us. That this was a very difficult time, but that Sharon was part of OUR family which means that she was coming with us to things as part of the family. That when we adopted our daughter we had even worried about her being accepted (even if it didn't show) and now we worry about my family accepting Sharon and asked that they please consider how difficult it will be for her to be there and wonder (for all of us to wonder) how accepting each of them is to our new situation.
The party was fine. Sharon can be oblivious...this can be a blessing of sorts. All seems to be well, but it was a stress situation I not only didn't need...but certainly did not expect at all!
March 12, 2010
Department of Rehabilitation - Josephine
I mentioned earlier that we were directed toward the Department of Rehabilitation in Elgin, a department of the Department of Human Services. They are funded a little differently and offered us resources that would otherwise not be available to us for Sharon.
Josephine is the caseworker whom we met with. OH MY GOSH...loved Josephine! Josephine related really well with Sharon and helped us to be really open and honest with the options (or non-options) available to us. She steered us where we could be steered and meeting with her and gaining resources from her were SO HELPFUL!
Because of Josephine's direction, Sharon was eligible to attempt job coaching and job placement through Pioneer Center in McHenry County. Without her department's funds, Sharon would have to find a job on her own abilities and compete with "the average citizen." A big WHEW!
I have to look at my notes to see what exactly we covered that day, but I just really encourage you to explore this department if your state has the option. They have been a lifesaver and, hopefully, Sharon will be employed soon (HOPE!).
Josephine is the caseworker whom we met with. OH MY GOSH...loved Josephine! Josephine related really well with Sharon and helped us to be really open and honest with the options (or non-options) available to us. She steered us where we could be steered and meeting with her and gaining resources from her were SO HELPFUL!
Because of Josephine's direction, Sharon was eligible to attempt job coaching and job placement through Pioneer Center in McHenry County. Without her department's funds, Sharon would have to find a job on her own abilities and compete with "the average citizen." A big WHEW!
I have to look at my notes to see what exactly we covered that day, but I just really encourage you to explore this department if your state has the option. They have been a lifesaver and, hopefully, Sharon will be employed soon (HOPE!).
March 8, 2010
Dr. Dr.
General practitioner, neurologist, gynecologist (she loves this one - NOT), who else? We have virtually no records and getting what we can is accomplished so now we move forward with obtaining appointments. Oh yeh, her ankle hurts...add orthopedic doctor too.
It's not too hard making the appointments, thankfully we have been fairly lucky in getting appointments with our preferred doctors and them taking Medicare as well as Medicaid (Illinois Department of Human Services insurance). Well, sort of. My general practitioner isn't taking any new patients with Medicare. Great. I want to talk to the Dr. Wait...same with the gynecologist. What? Crap. I will talk to her as I have an appointment coming up myself. Both docs say fine..make another phone call.
It's amazing how long the phone calls can take. Of course, it doesn't help that I hate talking on the phone so I do tend to procrastinate a teeny bit. But I am also trying to fit the calls into the work day in a way so as not to disrupt my work. Uh, right.
I take Sharon to the general practitioner. Yep, time off work. Appointment goes well, they want to take blood since there is no record for it. Make another appointment (more time off work). See Neurologist. Time off work. Appointment runs very late, but that is okay because I made the appointment for the end of the day. He does a few assessments that take about 2 minutes and proclaims that all is well and we should see him in a year unless she has a major seizure. Honestly, overall we like him, but we aren't really sure what to expect from a neurologist so we kind of nod our heads and I make a note in my spiral notebook that is getting quite full.
The gynecologist appointment is joyful. Note to others: think about female stuff if you are about to take on a female sibling. She doesn't manage her monthly stuff well (my God, I didn't expect to have to deal with this?! Why didn't I think of this?!!!!) and I certainly did not think that I would need to sit in the doctor office WHILE SHE HAS HER PAP TEST! The farthest corner was not far enough away, but it was a pretty corner as I stood facing it :) Appointment went swimmingly - so to speak - but we will see the doctor again as we have decided Sharon should have uterine eblasion to eliminate (or significantly reduce) her flow each month. Yep, more time off work.
Ortho doc...crap, MRI; follow up appointment - CRAP...now we are going to be doing physical therapy. Yep yep yep...when am I going to get my work laptop so I can work while I am at these appointments?!
Note to self - yes, we are doing a great thing for Sharon, but if there were ever a next time...there are a TON more things we needed to consider before saying yes. We knew this was going to be challenging, but that word doesn't nearly cover it.
It's not too hard making the appointments, thankfully we have been fairly lucky in getting appointments with our preferred doctors and them taking Medicare as well as Medicaid (Illinois Department of Human Services insurance). Well, sort of. My general practitioner isn't taking any new patients with Medicare. Great. I want to talk to the Dr. Wait...same with the gynecologist. What? Crap. I will talk to her as I have an appointment coming up myself. Both docs say fine..make another phone call.
It's amazing how long the phone calls can take. Of course, it doesn't help that I hate talking on the phone so I do tend to procrastinate a teeny bit. But I am also trying to fit the calls into the work day in a way so as not to disrupt my work. Uh, right.
I take Sharon to the general practitioner. Yep, time off work. Appointment goes well, they want to take blood since there is no record for it. Make another appointment (more time off work). See Neurologist. Time off work. Appointment runs very late, but that is okay because I made the appointment for the end of the day. He does a few assessments that take about 2 minutes and proclaims that all is well and we should see him in a year unless she has a major seizure. Honestly, overall we like him, but we aren't really sure what to expect from a neurologist so we kind of nod our heads and I make a note in my spiral notebook that is getting quite full.
The gynecologist appointment is joyful. Note to others: think about female stuff if you are about to take on a female sibling. She doesn't manage her monthly stuff well (my God, I didn't expect to have to deal with this?! Why didn't I think of this?!!!!) and I certainly did not think that I would need to sit in the doctor office WHILE SHE HAS HER PAP TEST! The farthest corner was not far enough away, but it was a pretty corner as I stood facing it :) Appointment went swimmingly - so to speak - but we will see the doctor again as we have decided Sharon should have uterine eblasion to eliminate (or significantly reduce) her flow each month. Yep, more time off work.
Ortho doc...crap, MRI; follow up appointment - CRAP...now we are going to be doing physical therapy. Yep yep yep...when am I going to get my work laptop so I can work while I am at these appointments?!
Note to self - yes, we are doing a great thing for Sharon, but if there were ever a next time...there are a TON more things we needed to consider before saying yes. We knew this was going to be challenging, but that word doesn't nearly cover it.
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