Fitting Into MY Family

I hadn't really thought anything of the fact that Sharon would have any problems with fitting in. My family is a really open group so I thought that they would be very accepting without us having to have a conversation with them.

I was a smidge wrong. Not a ton wrong, just a smidge. I guess when my dad and mom were talking to one of my sibs it was mentioned to them "well she isn't family" when talking about holidays at my parent's house, etc. Kudos to my dad as he mentioned to my sib how it might feel if a member of the family was asked to stay home and not attend a family get together. The sib at first was baffled that the conversation would even go that way as it would not even be a possibility that one of the family member's might not be welcome. Well, dad said, Sharon is going to be a member of their family now and it doesn't exactly feel right that she should be expected to sit home while the rest of the family comes to our house, does it? Truly, dad was the wise old owl this day.

So dad clued me in on this conversation. A conversation I was not ready to hear since I was very stressed out already. He called me at work so no one at home would be privy and, of course, I cried. I'm stressed, this took me over the top, I cried. I was angry and I really didn't know how to handle it. Should I confront the one sib? Is there a chance the other sibs feel the same way? My dad wondered the same...he wasn't sure. So I stewed on it - without telling my husband. I felt horrible for not telling him, but despite the fact that it wasn't an ideal situation...I still didn't want him to harbor feelings towards my family or to say the wrong thing (he often puts his foot in his mouth before he engages his brain).

I decided I was going to send an email. I know what you are thinking - NO! But I didn't write it and just send it. I wrote it, shared it with my parents for review and input and then sent it with their blessing. You see, I did have to act somewhat quickly as we were about to go to one of the sib's house for a birthday party the following week. I pressed send and waited. I don't believe I heard anything (did I?...shoot, I can't remember for sure, but I know I did not for sure hear anything from THE sib).

What did I say? I let everyone know that we were honored to have Sharon with us. That this was a very difficult time, but that Sharon was part of OUR family which means that she was coming with us to things as part of the family. That when we adopted our daughter we had even worried about her being accepted (even if it didn't show) and now we worry about my family accepting Sharon and asked that they please consider how difficult it will be for her to be there and wonder (for all of us to wonder) how accepting each of them is to our new situation.

The party was fine. Sharon can be oblivious...this can be a blessing of sorts. All seems to be well, but it was a stress situation I not only didn't need...but certainly did not expect at all!