Talking About a Group Home and When

Sharon was my mother-in-law's companion...especially the last seven years. She was a daughter, sure, but moreso my mother-in-law's eyes and legs (both frightening concepts when your mother-in-law talks to you about Sharon "helping me see while I drive."). So Sharon was an equal at home with Mom as well as Sharon got whatever she wanted, when she wanted. Sharon rarely did any wrong.

I've talked about the reality check Sharon was to encounter in moving to our home. I've talked about how she had been babied and with the reality check will be some shock and some attitude and role adjustment. As part of the whole new living situation, developing Sharon's independent living skills to get her on her own has been one of the major scenario's my husband and I have been envisioning since the day we said yes to having her in our home. Sharon, initially, did not like this idea one little bit.

Sharon is a smart and capable woman...when she wants to be. And when Sharon doesn't want to be a smart and capable woman I see the twelve year old coming out. The child that hides, deceives, exaggerates. Wow, how was I not prepared for this? Duh, she rarely displayed this behavior at home (and certainly not when we visited) because she got what she wanted...she literally was the Princess.

Our two major scenarios were these: Sharon develops independent living skills and starts out in a group home and possibly works her way to transitional living home and then own apartment or with roommate. Our second scenario was us in a larger home that had a lower level that had a shared space, but would give Sharon space to be independent (this was our initial scenario that we thought was reasonable, but then realized wasn't any better than Sharon living in her mom's home all her life).

As my husband has grown more into the parenting role and has experienced the frustrations of coordinating, but more importantly disciplining and checking for follow-through, Sharon's life...well, he has realized that not only are her skills better than she would like us to believe...but it is time to test them out. My husband made the leap to fill out the intake paperwork and has turned it in. The sad part, waiting list is 18 - 24 months. The cool part, Sharon is now interested in the living situation (I think living with my daughter has made her a convert!).

In the meantime, we have discovered some apartments that are affiliated with Pioneer Center that we are exploring. Pioneer provides some services to these apartments and they are on a sliding scale, so this becomes a possibility for Sharon...and pulls the timing up from 18 - 24 months to a much more reasonable amount of time.

But what about building the rest of her skills?

We just had our follow up with the Department of Rehabilitation and she shared with me a resource out of a nearby town called LifeSkills Unlimited, Inc. We are exploring the possibilities of utilizing this service to fill in where we are unable to continue (due to time or lack of resources on our part) developing Sharon's independent living skills. We will see if this is truly a viable option.

The other cool thing? During the meeting yesterday, there was also notice to us that the transitional site has an opening. Now, is Sharon far enough up on the list that this might be her spot or is there someone else that they will give a whirl? Who knows, no word yet, but I am in hot pursuit!

Finally, some things seem to be falling into place after so much time and struggle. God willing, it will continue to work through toward the family goal.