Holidays on the Homefront

If you have been reading the blog, you know that one of the issues with taking in Sharon has been incorporating her into my family (she is not a blood relative to my family and has only met them a total of two or three times prior to moving in). Initially, I had a sibling that seemed to not understand how this would work, but overall everyone has been really great and things have been working out real well.

You also may recall that I have been wrestling with feelings of resentment over the last several months. Yes, I know that I need to do counseling. Seriously, I know I need to start counseling. In the meantime, I started this blog as a way to cope with my feelings and as a potential, unofficial, resource for others in similar circumstances. One of the prevailing issues in my personal quest with our Sharon situation has been that I could not find anything online (that wasn't academia)-- anyone who was out there sharing their experiences and resources related to parenting a sibling with developmental disabilities or at least taking in the sibling to one's own home.

In the near future, I hope to post some resources. I want the list to be good so it is in progress.

But I digress. The purpose of this post is more about the Holidays and our family. See, since I have been harboring the resentment, I have become a bit noncommittal about so much as it relates to life and family. I have started to develop an "I don't care" attitude. I have started to become selfish with my time. I have also sort of, I guess, forced my husband to start making the transition to the parent/guardian role. Not everything I am feeling is bad, but not everything I am feeling is all that great either.

By Christmas of this past year (remembering our journey with Sharon started in mid-October), I was burning out. I mean, seriously burning out. I was sick of doctors, sick of writing notes, sick of using the telephone, done with riding in the car with Sharon and listening to her constantly talk about things -- and talk about them over and over and over and over and over again. I was just sick of it all.

My feelings would be easier if Sharon was starting to feel the same about me. But just like a child, the more I have been with her, the more she has been wanting to be with me...pairing herself up with me...putting me on a pedestal...talking to me and not her brother about, well, everything. I can appreciate where she has been coming from, but I just want out...I want SPACE! Space is hard to come by in 900 square feet of house with no basement and tons of snow outside!

Wait, you thought the pedestal sounded great too? Well, I guess I don't like it so much now. Maybe I would prefer the ivory tower (?) :)

Anyway, so I wasn't really that much into Christmas or Easter (or New Year's or Valentine's Day, etc) because I just have been wanting to hole up and not be responsible for ANYTHING for awhile. But we all know that is NOT an option. So I pulled up my proverbial bootstraps and did the shopping and preparing (can I tell you how much I have LOVED the JCPenney buy $10 of merchandise, get $10 off at Christmas?! Those literally saved our Christmas...seriously!) and we had some really nice holidays. I have been literally amazed at how comfortable everything has been and how well everything has gone. I know, it was destined to be good, but when so much running around and mistakes are being made that you have no control over...one gets a little discouraged.

I am grateful for the good times we have been having. My daily mantra needs to be (starting now?) that I need to remember them more...especially so I can get out of this resentment funk!