She's Smarter Than She Wants You To Believe

Here's a thought...how smart is someone who is developmentally disabled?

Well, just like each of us, there are all levels of intelligence (and common sense) in the world of developmental disabilities.

Sharon is a smart girl - when she wants to be.

I noticed within the first month or so of Sharon moving in with us that she would answer questions that required specifics with generic answers (ie: You just took your medicine. What time do you take it next. Sharon's answer (as she runs her fingers as if counting) "oh right before bedtime"...bzzt, wrong answer...looking for an actual time from the clock). You could make the case for the fact that maybe she didn't know how to calculate or that she didn't know how to tell time well. In Sharon's case, both of those ideas would be wrong.

Sharon knows how to count very well. Sharon is very in tune with time as well (just ask her when various shows are about to be on television or how much time until the next show...she could rattle it off to you in a heartbeat). But when Sharon doesn't want to take the time to figure something out...she doesn't.

So one day I took a chance and said to her something along the lines of "I know you are a smart girl and I think that there are many times that you use your disability as a way of not having to think or do. Would that be right?" Her reaction was priceless. The classic silent movie star reaction with the hands on either side of the head, the wide eyes and the "o" mouth...."OOOOHHHH, I've been found out!"

The other day in conversation, Sharon has even freely opened up about this behavior. So interesting.

Seriously, I don't know truly what I was expecting, but I honestly did not think that she was someone who was lazy, secretive/manipulative. I only knew Sharon the sweet woman who was with mom and was pleasant to be around. Once again, visiting with someone and living with someone...two COMPLETELY different things!

So how is it that she has gotten through life and learning with this behavior of not really answering specifics? I have been really observing and figuring and I think I might (I stress, might) have the answer. I may have alluded to this in a previous post ---- she inserts pauses or appears to struggle with an answer and then she knows that the person she is working with/conversing with will supply the answer for her. I have seen and still see it happen. It is so hard to NOT help out!

Now it is sort of comical. When I am talking to her and trying to get her to engage her brain and figure something out we have lots of silence and almost a friendly stare-down. I just wait. And then I wait some more. And then I rephrase the question and she gives me her down pat quizzical look and then she will guess. Now I can see in her face when she hasn't turned on her brain or when she is trying to appear like she is thinking and I bite my tongue. It's like when you are talking with someone who stutters. I remember learning that in conversation with someone who stutters, the polite thing to do is to let them get it out and to not complete their thought(s). That is what I am doing with Sharon.

She hates it.

She will hopefully start working with Life Skills Unlimited on a regular basis in the next week or so. I keep reminding Sharon that working with this organization is going to be quite a bit like this..."you are going to be expected to think and come up with your own answers. The answers aren't going to be given to you anymore." This is when I can see the streak of fear run through her. Totally understandable. I would be scared too, but it is a good kind of scared.

She knows that she is making her way to finding Sharon. Not Sharon with mom. Not Sharon with her brother's family, but SHARON. And Sharon can do this. She has the ability to be on her own and to think and solve problems. Sharon is just not used to these actions and has a great deal of work to do in order to be comfortable with the situation -- and with self.

She will be great.